Normal

Sometimes I feel
Like I'm falling when I'm just sitting still
My mind overrides what's real
Like I'm breaking

I lie awake in my bed
Half-wishing I was dead
'Cos I can't catch my breath
Or stop shaking

My friends they all ask me how I'm feeling
I say I'm fine but then they just repeat it
They know there's something there they just can't see it
It's like a ghost

There's mould on the seal of my fridge
And it's been there pretty much since I moved in
It would only take a second to clean
But I don't

Another lonely night
Drinking out of boredom
Wondering what it's like
To feel normal

Sometimes I have this dream where I'm lost out at sea
And I'm drowning in a maelstrom of my making
I scream and look around and I see all my friends are drowning
And there's nothing that I can do to save them
So I just give up
Then I wake up
But I don't get up
Even though I want to

Poor Boy's Blues (Nothing Lasts Forever)

I wake up in the morning and I'm getting on the bus
Before the dawn has made it into day
I'm sweating out the night before, it's like 18 degrees
Outside it's about minus the same

Nine hours later and it's time for clocking-off
I'm out the door in less than a minute
I hit the bar with all my friends when I can afford to
My life's a dream, gotta be asleep to live it

They say nothing lasts forever
Nothing is sure
But they ain't ever worked a dead-end factory job before
When every time the pay goes up
My rent it goes up too
The blues that don't die with you are these poor boy's blues

I want to take the waitress home, she knows my friend, Marie.
Marie says that she's got a boyfriend
She says she likes the finer things and that's why she works two jobs
I ain't fine at all but I can pretend

She's stunning in the morning, naked as the dawn
I kiss her hair and leave her there to sleep
She never could have loved me, but she's never gonna know
I hope that I'm a secret she can keep

They say nothing lasts forever
Nothing is sure
But they ain't ever loved someone who don't love them before
When every time your heart swells
It bleeds a little, too
The blues that don't die with you are these poor boy's blues

I'm losing at whatever game we're playing
I could win if I could find a way to cheat
But I don't know the rules or which rules I should be breaking
And I'm pretty sure that every one of these rules is breaking me

I like coffee in the morning, any thing at night
I like spending time in other people's beds
You know when someone smiles at you right after they've cried?
That's how I feel when the sun comes up and I haven't even slept

They say nothing lasts forever
Nothing is sure
But they ain't ever been so tired they cannot sleep before
And even when your dreams do come
You know they won't come true
The blues that don't die with you are these poor boy's blues

Back to the Night

I want to wake up
Without this fire
Not afraid of the light
Like some kinda vampire
Without all this blood
On my pillow case
There's still some in the sink
And a little on my face

So give me cool water
Straight from the tap
Give me cold bathroom tiles
Or a porcelain bath
And bring me hot coffee
Shelter me from the light
Give me safe passage
Back to the night

I've got more sense than money
But that ain't saying much
What I lack in a skill set
I make up for with luck
I've been down and out
I've tried to drink 'til I drown
I've been low as The Devil
I've been high as the clouds

I'm looking for something
At the end of each night
Like the end of a rainbow
That I'm never gonna find

This fire in my heart
Bleeds these tears on my face
So hold out your tongue
If you dare for a taste
These scars on my arms
Are just lines on a page
I ain't much of a story
But I'm never gonna change

Whisky & Wine

I've broken down in public
I've bared my soul to a crowd
I've sat all night in the dim bar light
Drinking til I pass out
I've been thrown in a cell for fighting
I've lost every girl that I've loved
And I stole one or two that I already knew
Would never be crazy enough

See there's this darkness in my mind
I bet there's one or two of you here that know the kind
But there's something 'bout whisky and wine
Makes everything alright
With this tobacco
There's something 'bout whisky & wine
That's kinda like pouring a light
Over the shadows
It lifts the shackles

When the sun comes up in the morning
And you're still howling for a moon
And the end of the world is the end of a bottle
That always comes too soon
I got this beast in my mind howling all the time
I've got to kill it just to shut it up
Most nights he'll sit here and write about what it must be like
To fall in love

So if there's anybody here that don't wanna go home
Rest assured that you're not alone
Let's all get drunk as fools
Howl at the moon like a pack of wolves
There's a party at mine
I have both whisky and wine

Mother's Medicine

Your mother's got her medicine, but she's still got her temper
      and neither mix well with vodka.
Her beatings are extra vicious if you remind her of your existence
      so you been quiet since you were a toddler.
She likes to remind you, even though it's not true,
      of how you drove your dad away;
How he could never love you, how no one could ever love you,
      how you're her worst mistake.

Every day and night, this world, its people, life
      taunts you with its happiness.
On the day that you turned twelve, the store would finally sell
      you your own box of matches.
The flames would singe your arms, new blisters on old scars
      and you didn't even screw your face.
The pain shot through your blood, still you'd do it again because
      it's like some sort of escape.

Next birthday rolls around, you packed a bag and headed out
      teary-eyed & teenage runaway.
You cut through the park, went down the thistle path
      to the shorelines of the boat lake.
You were born in late november, so the water when you got there
      was colder than an old grave
But the same way the matches left your mind distracted,
      the water numbed the pain.
You went in to your waist and thought about being famous,
      it was surely gonna come;
The teams of reporters filming across the waters,
      interviewing everyone.

The pondweed round your legs, the heaviness of your dress
      starts to pull you under.
With the water to your head you took your final breath
      and thought about your mother;
You wished she could have loved you.

Before the Sun had Made the Morning

She'd wake up in the darkness
before the Sun had made the morning
She'd move the blankets softly
to keep her husband from stirring
And she'd slip on her coat

She'd be sure to put the hood up
'cos the morning rain was freezing
And she'd walk up to the main road
where the mist and her breathing
Would almost be the same

She'd stand there at the bus stop
drawing hearts in the condensation
Board the bus without expression
Ask to be dropped at the train station
She'd take a seat and stare at her shoes

When she'd get out at the station
She'd go the way she always goes
To the platform where the 6.04
Would take her to the coast
She'd watch the Sun rise through the train window

She'd stand out on the cliff edge
watch the white waves hit the rocks
Get up on her tip-toes
take her coat off
But the water looked so cold

Shed close her eyelids tight and see the face of her daughter
Hold her breath and think of being underwater
Start flailing her arms as if she's clinging to the surface
Floating back up to her life and it's absence of purpose

She'd put on her coat
And take herself home

It's Christmas Eve

Nobody going home Christmas Eve will spare her a word
She's singing for money, she sings sweet as a bird
The songs that she sings are of loves lost and dreams that have drowned
I toss her a fistful of coins but I keep my head down

It's snowing on Christmas Eve but still the stars manage to shine
She's thinking she's lucky to be here as she stares at the sky
The tears on her face make her cheek cold as she wipes her eyes
She looks through our window where it's just you and me and red wine

You and me we finish our wine try'n set fire to our tree
We give out receipts with our presents to return in January
Then we lie on the floor, entwined in red wine and unspoken misery
It's Christmas Eve

She wanders along to a park bench where she brushes off the frost
Lays herself down in the darkness and takes her clothes off
She dreams of the children she'd borne but'd been unfit to raise
'Til her dreams freeze over like her body in her park-bench-grave

Rollin' for Nothin'

Well I've got myself into another fine mess since I fell for a girl who couldn't love me less and this one didn't even have to get to know me. Well, I ain't upset 'cos nothing's really happened yet and it don't affect me directly 'cos I'm kinda used to it. And I'm alright being lonely.

See, I'm a whorehouse built out of lovers' lies and guilt and you're a disco with everybody dancing. I don't mean to be a slut it's just a pick-me-up when I've sunk too low and I've drunk too much. Does it still count as the last laugh if there's no one else laughing?

You ain't the first that I've led astray when what could have been love quickly turns to hate, like the flowers they're gonna harvest for my grave. Well, I hope someone comes along and picks them up and passes them on to someone they love 'cos a flower that pretty shouldn't die beside my grave.

Lately my behaviour's been somewhat unchristian. I've been screaming out for God but he can't hear me or ain't listening, still I'll send a prayer up there somewhere for you. And with that said, I'll let you find a better man, sit here, get depressed and really drunk again 'cos that's just what I do.

You made me see it wasn't about her, it was something in me that I'd often heard people say but until now it hadn't sunk in. Well, maybe I wasn't really listening to them but I think, 'cos I'm romantic, that it sunk in when you said it 'cos there's something when you speak.

I've been a gambler my whole life. I've been taking my chances when they're wrong and when they're right. Tonight I've still got the dice but you're holding my money, so I'm rolling for myself else I'm rolling for nothing.

Well, no I ain't OK, man, I'm going insane since little Miss Kane put the thought inside my brain and now there's a moral decision I have to make. And morally, I've never really stood upright - I've been a whore-faced, lying cunt for all of my life and if you've learned nothing this evening won't you just take this away...

That I meant everything I said and did that night. I just wish you'd known me better.

Now you do.

You don't know what drinking is...

Los No Amados opened the next day
After they swept the broken glass and blood away
If you drink there on your own you'll hear them say
That they still keep the killer's piece behind the bar

There's an old man sitting quiet in the corner
They say's the guy who lost his only daughter
On the day of the No Amados slaughter
They say her lover put a bullet straight through her heart

The old man in the corner lifts his glass
And pours another beer past his moustache
The waitress does;t wait for him to ask
To bring another

When your heart sits in your belly with the weight
Of all your fear, your sadness and your hate
When everything you've loved is laid to waste
Comfort's discomfort

You don't know what drinking is
'less you've sat down with a drink
In a quiet bar to think about what you've lost
You don't know what drinking is
'less you've sat down with a drink
Knowing it's the only thing you've got

They say God works in mysterious ways
I'll never know why He let me get away
But for my sins I'll carry 'round this pain
For all my days in my heart

I don't know who God is keeping quiet
Or if I scared 'em hard enough to keep them silent
Or if the people there were too drunk when I fired
But they still keep my piece behind the bar

Best Friends with the Devil

Call it a sickness of the soul turning to delusion
Some things you lose in life make it not matter what else you're losing
Call it a crisis of faith. Please! Call it something else -
Call it the lost and the lonely finally finding his place in the world

May you live happy and you live long
May your strength keep you faithful and your faith keep you strong
Not me, I'm weak, I'm giving up God
I've been waiting for him to save me so long, now saving ain't what I want

My behaviour lately's been nothing short of unchristian
I've been screaming out for God but either he can't hear me or he ain't listening
So I put myself on a self-made cross of self-pity
And I've been wondering what the barrel of a gun tastes like whilst I'm drinking

'Cos drinking is something like crying
And there's enough tears in my glass to drown
I've been screaming for heaven my whole goddam life
Now I'm hell-bound

Don't preach to me about salvation I'll preach you something better -
Makes the loss I feel from losing in life not even matter
You can call it mortal sin, call it growing old disgracefully, whatever,
But from now on whenever you see me call me best friends with the Devil.

Scuffed-up Shoes

Scuffed-up shoes from running loose
She's been living on the streets again
Knocking back the hardest drinks in the bar
Where she can pretend she's got friends
This guy compliments her and buys her a drink
But she blocks out what he says
She watches him slip off his wedding ring and thinks to herself
'Oh, man, here we go again...'

She drinks to forget how lonely she is
But only the lonely will buy her a drink
She looks around
And slams another glass down

With holes in the soles of her shoes she goes
Back to this married man's house
Up into his marital bedroom
The kids' pictures face-down
She closes her eyes as he touches her thighs
And she wonders what his wife must be like
If this is how a man treats his spouse and she's alone
Maybe she's doing alright

There's only so many men in this world
And none of them know how to treat a girl
She waits for him to sleep
And then she quietly leaves
Stealing some money from the side and flirting wild
With the driver of the taxi

She refuses his advances so he pulls her out of the car
He leaves her in a heap beside the bar

Talking to a stranger from out under her hair
He asks her 'Why you drinking?', she says 'Why do you care?'
And with a casual reply
He says, 'Some men are just nice'

She didn't believe him but what's another beating
So she went back to his place
She still didn't believe him but when they were finished
He wanted her to stay
So they talked all night about their lives
And in the morning stayed in bed all day

Maybe this one will work out alright
'Hey, baby, slide over, come on, hold me tight'
That itch that used to burn underneath her skin
The itch that she could only scratch with drink
Is all at once soothed by him
When he says,
'I love you'.

The Hangover

All this alcohol
and demerol
don't make me happy,
just keeps away the sad.
I smoke these cigarettes,
try and ease these pains in my chest
it don't make for good-living
but it ain't half-bad.

I know I told you
I'd quit this drinking
but I got this itching
inside of my skull.
It's funny how love
lets the hangovers build up
but now waking up without you -
never been so low.

I hope you save yourself
'Cos heaven knows it's too late to save me now.
I would give you all the money in wallet
Except you wouldn't want it
And I ain't got none anyhow.
But I would do anything
To keep
You around.

Picking Flowers in the Dark

This Sunshine is all the whores
and heroin that I could ever need.
The Sun ain't afraid to be alone,
just afraid to love. Still, she'll do that for me.

I don't suppose
I could have the Sun
all to myself,
but that's all I want.

The Sun finally went down and
I've never been so sad to see it go.
The greatest night-owl's been shot down;
not dead, just gone.

See, if you leave
a night-owl in the Sun,
he's the vulnerable one
but that's all he wants.

These afterthoughts of you
are the flowers that you gave light to,
still growing in my heart,
that I pick in the dark.

Drunk Again

Drunk again and heartbroken and, god damn it, it's your fault
Easing into madness like a loner with his liquor and his thoughts
One more beer-baited thought of you and him's all I can stand
I wanna die tonight with his blood on my hands

I bet he's there employed and sober, making you smile just 'cos he can
Kissing you and touching you and pulling down your pants
Giving you all the love I was too stubborn to give
I swear I'd do it next time right but who the hell could fall in love with this?

It don't matter, I always liked the whisky more
Lying, cheating, dirty, stinking whore!

My clothes are dirty, my breath is whisky-stained
I swear if I see that man I'll smash his face!
Rip out his heart! Tear him apart! Man, I'm gonna go to town!
Or sit here in this bar and drink
'til I drown

Scars

She says, "what's wrong with dying young and gloriously?"
he says, "it just wastes time that you could have spent with me"
and takes another big swig of his 6.5 from a can
She says, "i wanna make some noise when i go out"
he says, "who's gonna hear about it anyhow"
and as he says it this girl lets her fingertips slip from his hand

She thinks, who is he to take my hand
dig my nails into his hand
look deep into my eyes
and tell me he understands?

Those words went through her head like self-harm
she dug her nails deep in her wrist to try and keep herself calm
and the calmness came in through the holes that the blood came out
He didn't even have to lift up his head
to know her green eys were searching and her white teeth were red
as she held her new holes up against her open mouth

The night came on fast and the night came on cold
as the sun lost his breath and the moon took a hold
and when the moon takes hold there's a darkness that follows with
a silence that pushes the hurt around your veins
past the back of your eyes into the front of your brain
and makes you want to dig your nails even deeper in

A train of thought as smooth as a blade across a wrist
and that train left the station high on cocaine and drink
so they fucked for a while until they figured the wine had worn them out
She slept for a while then in the middle of the night
she gathered her few things, wrote him a sweet goodbye
then she punched him hard in the ear and kissed him harder on the mouth

She was thinking, man, it's time to go,
time for me to get away,
time to hit the open road
there's nothing 'round here for me anyway
except for him
and i can learn to love again
there's a hundred more that i could love as much
and a thousand more to love less
and who was he to love me
who was he to take care of me
who was he to sacrifice his own happiness
just to get me a little bit of happy
when i'd have been alright
if i had died
face-down on the bed that night
high on cocaine and wine
but he went and took that knife
and cut holes in hands that should have been mine
then he held them up bleeding to my beating chest
and looked deep into my eyes
and i saw the scars

If I owe you money, get in line...

My hands are worn down by this cage
And there's scars from the bars on my face
I'm trapped inside a debt I just can't pay
Most nights I pass out with my wrists at a blade
And it's bound to come one of these nights
You'll find me 'neath a scrounging pile of creditors and mites
If I owe you money, honey, get in line

She swears there's a baby on the way
And she's telling him it's his
But there's rumours on this whisky-stained night
That she don't even care whose it is
I swear I'll stand by her if it's mine
This might be what I need to get me back in line
If I owe you money, brother, get in line

When I'm out 'neath the stars I feel closer to God
But He ain't listening to me
I'm alright, I'm hard up but I'm fine,
And I know, out there, there are more hard up than me

So I'm sorry for the debts that I've made
For the borrowings I racked up that I promised you I'd pay
For all the times I got evicted and all the times you let me stay
I swear I'll get it back to you just give me a few more days
Mama, you've always been my lifeline
I swear I'll pay you back I just don't have it here this time
If I owe you money, Mama, get in line
It's breaking my heart!
But if I owe you money, Mama, get in line..

i'm alright when i'm drunk

there's only so many days i can come home to you
after a long day at work
i'm only working to pay for the things
we both feel you deserve
trouble is, baby, i don't deserve as much
and i know you think i don't deserve them, too
so don't be there when i get home tonight
goodbye, it's been not-too-bad loving you

call me a cruel, unloving bastard for my time
i'll take it all in my unsteady stride
you girls have got a funny way of turning things around
but you don't know how much it tears me up inside
you know you ain't the first
and i know that you ain't the last
hard work and hard women are just so easy to get
the only hard thing's trying to stay attached

so now i'm going in late and i'm going in drunk
anything i can do to get laid off
i ain't needing money if i ain't needing you
i'm alright when i'm poor
i'm alright when i'm drunk

The Prettiest of Roses

I can see it in her eyes and I can feel it on her skin
She's sweating out the love and everything
She feels just like a paperboy dumping all his rounds
She feels just like a circus without the clowns
And I ain't supposed to know
But she's a blood-trail to a body in the snow

She sits there in my shirt putting too much make-up on
And crying to herself she wipes it off
Then she smiles and I smile too because her mirror won't smile back
But it's a smile any reflection would love to have
And I ain't supposed to know
But her tears are like the voices to her mime-show

She stands up on the bed and swings the light-bulb round and round
Laughing about vinyl dying out
Then eyeing-up my records she says, "Can we smash them, please?"
And waltzing over takes my favourite out its sleeve

When she's here it's like I'm here alone
Staring at streetlights from my window
And I ain't supposed to know
But there's broken records all over the road

The prettiest of roses killed by thorns
Strung-up by her own umbilical chord

Beautiful, Go

I don't care what people say
Loving and losing ain't that great
And I don't even hear what lovers say
None of them are ever gonna stay

I know you'll do what you will
It don't matter how I feel
Well, I feel like pouring my glasses tall
I feel like ending it all

'Cos this is one I won't get past, but you should go and not look back
'Cos you're gonna be happy now and I want that
So, Beautiful, go and don't look back

And if one day you wonder of me
Don't look back 'cos I don't want you to see
My cold, dead hands around a bottle of Absynthe
And your face burned into the back of my cold, dead eye-lids
And the gunsmoke rising up like the ghost that I am
So, Beautiful, go
And don't look back

Black Halo

Sixteen years old and the world is barely hers
The universe revolves around the lipstick in her purse
Her daddy went to jail and her mother something worse
So she moves away
She finishes her make-up with her head up in the clouds
Looking out for love but it was solitude she found
She makes herself the princess when she's already been crowned
As the queen

This world won't let her live
It beats her down while she sleeps
An angel trying to be a girl
A beauty trying to be a beast

Fallen from heaven, she paints her halo black
And tucks her feathered wings in tight behind her back
A tear runs down her blushered cheek and leaves her make-up cracked
As she screams again
She turns the corner sullenly on to Reliever Street
Where every patch of light is filled with sailors on relief
She wipes the tear off with her sleeve, leaves lipstick on her cheek
But, still, she charms them

And she's not getting any sleep tonight
This wingless heaven's just in reach
But she'll move on again tomorrow
Treating love like disease

She's not the prettiest but she's pure and soft as snow
She sheds her dove wings for the black ones she has borrowed
The crows are so cool but they're so shallow
She won't fit in
She's so much better than them, there's poetry in her soul
Half-and-half, these kings and queens, our princess is a whole
With perfect love and perfect mind but how can she be told
If nobody knows?

Nobody knows she's an angel
And only God could work it out
She's fighting for a dream that's useless
The things that matter here don't count

She could recreate anything that's been destroyed
But she's so God-damned paranoid
Trying to be another fashion-focused android
She wipes her feet before she steps inside her own mind

Nobody knows she's an angel
She tramples the flowers that she breathes
But on the day she gives her life for no reason at all
She'll be released
She'll be free
She'll be an angel
Again.